What's Love Got to Do With It?

This is just.. me processing on paper what I’ve learned about love from my experience.

It takes much more than loving someone to make a marriage work. Contrary to my previous beliefs, I have learned that love doesn’t save a marriage from divorce. It takes unity. It takes team work, compatibility, humility, and a whole lot of Jesus. It takes both parties truly getting on their knees and seeking God. It takes communication. I used to believe that as long as you have love, you can overcome anything. Yes, being in love and attraction are very important. I certainly want to think my future husband is the finest man on the planet. However, looks aren’t the highest thing on my list, they’re a bonus… that I believe God has pre-packaged for me.. because I do want him to be fine. Ha! God is love, so I believe that as long He is in the center of the relationship, He can always point both parties back to love. There will come days where you don’t feel “in love” with your spouse. Days you won’t actually like them. But genuinely having God in the middle of the marriage will always remind you what love is and how to love.

Love at first sight…. Now, with my ex husband, I believed I fell in love at first sight. Literally loved him from the moment I saw him and our first conversation. It just kept growing and growing… almost exactly like a snowflake that creates a snowball that creates an avalanche… that demolishes and destroys everything that had breath on that slope. haha Now that I think back.. I did truly love him.. but the love started with infatuation. Think about the words: LOVE at first SIGHT. Love doesn’t start with the eyes. Love starts with your heart.. your spirit.. your soul. This is why, now… any man that tells me I’m beautiful before asking me what my name is… gets my fake name, Denise or Kimberly and shut all the way down. If it’s even said in the first conversation I’m skeptical. I have an appreciation for humor. Make me laugh, don’t tell me I’m beautiful.. in any way and we’re good. haha

I realized that the concept of actually falling in love (again) terrifies me. I just want a whole love life hiatus. I want fun and adventure. I’m in a season where the idea of a life partner.. I’m interested in but.. I’m more concerned with checking off the ole bucket list. I’m approaching thirty.. I just want to explore, find myself.. and love me! Any other ladies relate to that!? Once I truly discover myself, at the core of who I am, maybe I’ll look up and see a fine lad who looked up from doing the same thing at the same time. 😂

Beyonce has this song.. called Flawless… which I LOVE! It’s probably my favorite track of hers. Reason.. it’s empowering.. I WOKE UP LIKE THIS! AYYY *tiny twerk break* really though. There’s a monologue in the song that talks about how girls are basically taught from a young age to dream and aspire to being a wife and a mom. Why is that a lot of our ultimate goal!?? Why is it that we will freaking settle for being cheated on. Why do we stay KNOWING he has another woman, or after being hit, or devalued verbally because he apologizes or justifies why he does it!? LADIES! You are so POWERFUL! You are so PRECIOUS! A queen would not tolerate being stood up. That person would get FIRED faster than a sneeze! Not because she’s conceited but because she knows her value. She knows that what that person was going to do, in this world of 7 billion people, there’s surely another that will SHOW UP!!! A queen wouldn’t even listen to a colleague tell her she’s inadequate, because she knows she’s fully equipped for her position. Seriously. We have to know who we are and what we bring to the table and know that we are deserving of something being brought to the table as well. Don’t get me wrong.. being a wife and a mother are both beautiful and something I desire.. but I want my babies to see an example of a mom and dad who are healthy, functional, and in love. Not an example of house mates, who are tolerating each other because they have kids. I want to set the example for the type of woman my daughter will develop into and what she deserves when her time comes to marry. I want my husband to set the example for my son of the type of man he will develop into and what he deserves when his time comes to marry. I want to develop more people of moral character, integrity, confidence, and honesty. So I refuse to settle for anything that won’t amount to that result.

Love is really a beautiful thing. I love being in love.. but next time I fall, I would have taken my time doing it… I’m in no rush. If it is the Lord’s will for me to have a child, I will have a child. Simple as that. Doesn’t matter if I’m 24 or 44. He is a timeless God. He doesn’t see time.. He’s in eternity! There are no clocks or biological clocks there. It’s the same thing for you! He has a plan for you… don’t try to rush ahead of it. I promise you, He knows what’s best for you.. even better than you do.